


Show Me Going, Show Me Gone, Show Me Coming Back (On the Road of Recovery)

by ZaydaBeta99



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe: Rosa gets Trauma, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, But Not Actually ;), Depression, Episode: s05e20 Show Me Going, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Gun Violence, Hospitalization, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) Needs a Hug, Soft Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaydaBeta99/pseuds/ZaydaBeta99
Summary: In a turn of events in Show Me Going (Season 5 episode 20), Rosa is taken hostage and ultimately injured. How will she cope of the trauma before, during, and after? Featuring a more-mature-than-usual Peralta, a soft Holt, an annoying Boyle, the-best-girlfriend Jocelyn Pryce, and Rosa Diaz, opening up to the world, a little bit at a time.OrAn alternate story after Season 5 episode 20, Show Me Going. Focusing on Rosa, her PTSD, and a few other events I wrote in.
Relationships: Rosa Diaz & The Brooklyn Nine-Nine Squad, Rosa Diaz/Jocelyn Pryce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	1. Show Me Going, Reaching out to You

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I'm not dead!  
> For those of you who read my She-Ra fanfiction series, hey, I'm back. Older, wiser, and more stressed. Gayer, too.  
> I love and relate to Rosa Diaz (probably too much), and I really hope you enjoy this series as I put so much emotional stress on her :)
> 
> ****TRIGGER WARNING*****  
> This story contains graphic depictions of violence, panic attacks, and depression. Please read at your own risk.

Rosa trudged up the stairs, desperate to find an empty interrogation room, storage room, bathroom, _anywhere_ to be alone. The stairs were in the back, anyway. As long as she was agile and quick, like she normally was, she’d have no problem slinking off to a bathroom.

Was she as agile and quick as she was say, 12 hours ago?

No.

What with the gaping wound in her side, the size of her forearm and at least a half pen deep, the growing bruise on her temple, and the exhaustion settling in her bones, she could barely lift her feet off the ground. There were already spots in her vision, and she just needed to sit down and _rest_.

Bull-pen floor. Almost there.

_Ding!_

She stopped in her tracks, and heard a moment of anticipation.

“Come on, Scully!”

“Come on, man!”

“Why you gotta do stuff like that, man?!”

Rosa had to stifle a chuckle; they missed her? How embarrassing.

“I was just making a copy downstairs.” Scully light-heartedly responded to the looks of disapproval. Rosa could just barely make out the shape of Jake throwing his arms in the air.

“Well next time, think!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated. Scully cocked his head.

“Think about what?”

“I don’t know!”

Dammit. Rosa had to intervene on this one. She zipped up her jacket and made her way over to the bullpen.

“Come on man, go easy on him.”

All eyes turned to her.

“Diaz!”

“Rosa!”

Despite the immense pain she was in, she couldn’t help but smile.

These losers were making her go soft.

Jake stood up to full height (it was not that tall), and made his way over to hug Diaz.

And Rosa froze.

_Rosa walked down the hallway, hands up, and gun to her head. She couldn’t do anything else. The shooter had made her take her vest off and was currently the source of the pounding boots behind her. Of the warm breath on her neck._

_“Keep walking, little lady. I really don’t want to blow your brains out.” He said sweetly. Rosa fought the urge to slap him._

_She lost the fight._

_After kicking him considerably hard in the groin, the last thing she remembered was the harsh look in his face, and the butt of the gun coming for her head._

Shit, Jake was going to see she was hurt.

So she took a step back.

Jake and the rest of the 99 looked confused. The action wasn’t too far out on left field for Rosa, but the look on her face was. Speaking off her face…

“Rosa, your head is…what happened?” Jake asked, slowing his approach and throwing his hands in the air. Rosa’s eyes widened.

They could not know. They just…they just don’t need to know!

And then Holt’s eyes popped out of his head.

“Diaz, you’re bleeding!” He said with considerably more emotion than he has ever emitted.

Rosa looked down. The blood of the gash had spilled out, and was now rapidly soaking the top of her jeans. As her eyes began to feel heavy, she looked from Holt, to Jake, to Sarge.

Eh, not too bad of a setting to go out.

Everyone started to move in slow motion as her vision started to tip. A ringing could be heard, but not loud enough to cancel out Jakes cries of, “Call an ambulance!”, and, “Rosa, don’t close your eyes. Stay with me. Stay with me!”

When did she get on the floor?

When did her head get on Jake’s lap?

And why does nothing hurt?

She looked back up at Jake, and smiled.

“You’re such a sap.” She croaked. Jake smiled through watery eyes.

“I know, Rosa.” He whispered. Rosa looked around one more time, before zeroing in on the dude above her again.

“Thanks.” She said. Satisfied with her statement, she let her eyes close, and drift into nothingness.

She didn’t get to watch Jake’s face fall.

She didn’t get to watch Amy and Gina tearing out of the hallway.

She didn’t get the see their horrified faces as the EMTs tried to revive her.

* * *

When they described hospitals in the movies, TV shows, and books, they always talked about how sterile they were. How clean they were.

Pure white.

That must be a fiction thing, because the amount of color in this hospital was uncanny.

Or maybe it was the concussion making the colors pop.

It took Rosa a minute to fully comprehend that no, she is not dead, yes, she is in a hospital, and yes, she is safe.

Well, the third came later.

The moment Rosa felt the cool presence of the ice pack on her head, she started to panic.

_No, she was back_ there. _The barrel of the gun to her head as the rest of the police force pointed their guns in her direction._

_“Let the officer go!” They yelled, but their words fell deaf upon the perp’s ears. As he was screaming back, Rosa managed to elbow him in the face, and wrench the gun from his hands. She did not, however, get a good enough grip, and it slid away from them both, discharging in the air. Luckily, the bullet hit the wall._

_What she did not see coming was the switchblade, aimed towards her abdomen._

“Detective Diaz! I need you to calm down!”

But she couldn’t. How could she ever calm down after the events of today?

Rosa thrashed and kicked, desperate to get away from this man. She was even more alarmed when the hands came to restrain her. Eventually, as they injected a sedative, she stopped. She stopped thrashing, and let the tears fall down her face.

She came to terms with the fact that she was going to die.

_Jocelyn_.

Damn. She was going to miss Jocelyn.

* * *

Jocelyn Price had a lot of things in common with her partner. They both loved leather jackets, and had a cool exterior. However, Jocelyn’s was considerably more warm than Rosa’s.

Thus, Jocelyn sat in the hard plastic chairs of the emergency room, mourning over the fact that yes, Rosa will live, but not without some major trauma.

The short dude sobbing next to her, along with crew with him were not helping. Judging by the badges they wore, and the water-stained _NYPD_ shirt one of them had on, they could be Rosa’s coworkers.

Or, you know, coworkers of the other two officers that went down today.

Jocelyn began thinking of ways to best accommodate Rosa. She had just moved in with her about a week ago, so Jocelyn could probably take some sick days from school and work to take care of her. Make her feel safe.

But of course, she wouldn’t want to make her feel claustrophobic. She would still need to give Rosa space whenever she asked for it, and whenever she wanted to ask for it but couldn’t. Jocelyn’s got this. Just push the crushing doubt of your ability to be a good girlfriend, and she’ll be fine.

“Anyone for Rosa Diaz?” Jocelyn immediately shot up at the voice, along with the people next to her. Great.

“I’m sorry, family only.” Ha, checkmate suckers.

(It wasn’t that Jocelyn hated them. She was just _so_ stressed right now)

“Hi, yes, I’m her girlfriend, Jocelyn. Any news?” Jocelyn rushed out to the doctor. The doctor looked through her notes, a frown on her face.

“Yes. After we gave her the sedative, she slept for a bit. She’s awake now, and much more calm, albeit a little disoriented. She asked specifically for you, Ms. Price.” She informed. Jocelyn could barely contain her excitement.

“Yes! That’s great! Can I see her now?” Jocelyn asked excitedly. The doctor nodded before pointing at the group of detectives.

“Of course. Would you like me to ask them to leave? Are they bothering you?” She asked. Jocelyn looked over to the unit, and made eye contact with what seem to be the leader. She was met with pleading eyes, like he knew what she was saying. Jocelyn looked back at the doctor.

“No, they’re Rosa’s coworkers. Thanks, though.” She answered, before waving at the doctor and turning to go down the hall. She met the leader’s eyes again, and he nodded at her. She nodded back.

He seemed like the type to like Rosa.

* * *

“Knock knock?” Rosa’s eyes slowly opened as she saw the one face she wanted to see right now in the doorway.

“Jocelyn.” She breathed, her voice cracking a bit as tears started to gather. Damn, when did she become such a sap?

“Oh, baby.” Jocelyn faltered, rushing over to the bed and hugging her girlfriend. To see Rosa in such a small, vulnerable state was something she saw rarely. Rosa leaned into Jocelyn’s shoulder, and let the tears flow. She gripped onto Jocelyn’s elbow, scared to let go. She felt Jocelyn kiss her head, while slowly combing the tangles out of her hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rosa heard her ask quietly. She mumbled out a muffled, “No”, and heard Jocelyn mumble a soft, “Okay.”. They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other, too afraid to let go, for if they did, they might lose the other. But eventually, they parted.

“The doctor said I’m allowed to leave when I want. Can we go soon?” Rosa asked quietly.

“Of course. I brought you an extra change of clothes, just in case.” Jocelyn answered, holding up a small, black bag. Rosa thanked her before attempting to get out of bed. Jocelyn backed away, waiting for her to ask for help if she needed it. After a few failed attempts and a pained look on Rosa’s face, Jocelyn helped her up and to the bathroom. From there, she helped her put the new set of clothes on. While helping Rosa’s shirt over her neck, she noticed the angry stitches running across her stomach. She sucked in a breath through her teeth, and quickly finished pulling the shirt down. Her eyes met the emotionally drained ones of Rosa, and she smiled, plopping a kiss on her nose. This earned a faint smile from Rosa.

After gathering everything from the room, Jocelyn helped Rosa into the wheelchair that a nurse had supplied them, and rolled her down the hall, back to the waiting room. When they rounded the corner, they were met with the same group that was there before. However, it was trimmed down until only the manchild, the nerd that she had heard about, and the man she had the brief interaction with earlier. She man-child immediately came over to Rosa, having no regards for privacy and personal space.

“Rosa! You’re okay!” He yelled, leaning in the hug her. Rosa flinched and leaned back, and Jocelyn started to come around in front of Rosa. Rosa, however, put a hand on her forearm, signaling that she was okay.

“Hey Peralta.” Rosa said quietly. Jake frowned, but didn’t press. As the other man made his way over, Rosa looked up at him.

“I hope you are feeling better, Diaz. Please take all the time you need to recuperate.” He said monotonously, before looking over to Jocelyn. “And you must be the girlfriend we never hear about. Take care of her.” He said, before nodding again and taking Peralta away.

Damn, Rosa had some strange coworkers.

* * *

Arriving home was uneventful. They got to their apartment, settled Rosa on the bed, and Jocelyn went to make grilled cheese.

That was when things went south.

It was really bright in their room. Like the rooftop. It brought back vivid memories from the day. Of course, she couldn’t actually close the curtains – it would be too painful – and she didn’t want to bother Jocelyn, so she sat in misery.

And then the burning smell started to fill the room.

Rosa knew that Jocelyn was a terrible cook, so she really did see this coming. But she didn’t know the smoke would set her off too. It smelled like when the gun went off, right next to her head.

In order to keep herself from spiraling, Rosa turned on the TV.

Big fucking mistake.

Gun noises immediately filled the room, and it sent Rosa into the worst panic attack she had ever had in her life. She grabbed the pillow and put it over her head, trying to block the sound. She then rolled on the floor, curled into a fetal position, and screwed her eyes shut. She started hyperventilating, and for the fifth time in the past 3 days, she thought she was going to die.

After what felt like 10 years, she felt a soft hand touch hers, and she immediately knew it was Jocelyn. She cracked open her eyes to see that the TV was shut and the blinds were closed. She still smelled smoke, but she could live with that. She watched Jocelyn’s mouth move, but she felt like she was under water. She couldn’t hear her.

Eventually, Jocelyn gave up talking, and helped Rosa back into bed. She asked her if she was hungry, in which she was met with a vigorous shake of the head. Rosa turned over, and slowly closed her eyes. Jocelyn gave her a kiss on the head, before turning off the light, and heading to the kitchen to clean up.

* * *

Three nightmares.

Three. Fucking. Nightmares. In one night.

The first two times, Rosa had been thoroughly careful as to not wake up her girlfriend. The third time, however, she accidentally kicked Jocelyn, resulting in her partner to wake with a start. After becoming oriented with the situation, Jocelyn embraced Rosa, who, once again, broke down in her arms.

Damn, she really needed to stop doing that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jocelyn asked, and Rosa took a deep breath.

“No, but yes?” She answered with another question. Jocelyn pulled away, albeit still holding her hands, and gave her a confused look. Rosa elaborated.

“No, I don’t want to talk about it, but yes, I want to talk.” She clarified. Jocelyn nodded for her to continue. “I’m just…I’m so _scared_. Of the world. I can’t walk around like the badass I used to be. Will I even be able to get back on the job?” She asked exasperatedly, looking down. She felt one hand let go of hers, and felt it cup her cheek. She looked up into loving eyes, and leaned into the embrace.

“Nobody expects you to bounce back immediately. It’s been four days. You need time to heal, both physically and mentally,” Jocelyn said softly, “And it’s okay to be scared. You’re Rosa Diaz; you’re still a freaking badass, and you endured a traumatic event. You’re gonna be okay, baby. You’re gonna be okay.” Jocelyn finished. Rosa smiled into Jocelyn’s hand, kissing it.

“I love you.” Rosa breathed.

“I love you more.” Jocelyn answered. Rosa pitched forward into a gentle kiss. It was sweet, and slow.

Eventually, they would have to lay down again, most likely go through another nightmare, and repeat the process.

But for now, they could enjoy this moment.


	2. Show Me Going, Mac and Cheese on Late Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Rosa's first day back.  
> And it's sad. But how couldn't it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, back at it again.  
> Kinda feeling depresso expresso, but hey, that's what fuels my writing

3 weeks later~

“Are you ready, Honey?” Jocelyn asked Rosa through the mirror, coming up behind her and hugging her. Rosa put her hands on the arms that were around her waist, and leaned back, smiling. She looked at her ensemble and her leather jacket.

Rosa Diaz was back.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” She answered, turning her head and kissing Jocelyn’s cheek. Jocelyn laughed and shoved Rosa’s lunch in her hand.

“Well then hurry up and get out of here! Don’t want you to be late on your first day back.” She teased, lightly slapping her ass as Rosa ran from the room.

“You’ll pay for that later!” Rosa called. She gathered everything she needed as Jocelyn sauntered into the room.

“Hey, babe.” She said lowly. Rosa smirked.

“What?”

“I love you.” Jocelyn’s demeanor changed as she leaned up, bringing Rosa into a soft kiss. Rosa smiled against it.

“I love you too. Now I gotta go!” She said, breaking away and laughing. “Bye!” and with that, she left the apartment.

Jocelyn didn’t stop smiling for a while.

* * *

_Ding!_

The elevator pinged.

The entire bullpen stopped breathing, you could feel it.

Until Hitchcock stepped out.

“Dammit Hitchcock!” A steam of curses were let out, and Jake and the aforementioned got into an argument.

“C’mon Jake, he’s not worth it.” A voice behind them sound. Jake whirled around.

“Diaz!” He yelled, coming in for a hug before stopping in his tracks. “Right. Uh, please tell me you aren’t bleeding out again. That was kind of terrifying.” He said. Rosa let out a low chuckle before assuring him that she was fine.

“Diaz.” Holt said, and Rosa turned to him. There was a slight upturn of his lips, and you could tell he was happy. “Welcome back. Please see me in my office when you have time.” He said, giving Rosa a firm handshake and retreating to said room. Rosa nodded, and went to her desk.

She quietly sorted her things out until she felt the presence of Boyle looming over her.

“What do you want, Charles?” She snapped, turning around, and glaring at him. “I’m trying to work.”. Charles pulled a chair over, beaming from ear to ear.

“Well, in the waiting room of the hospital, we met Jocelyn. Now, you have to tell me all about her.” He said innocently. Rosa rolled her eyes, groaning.

“Seriously Boyle?” She moaned, thumping her head on the desk. Boyle took no hints.

“What’s she like? Is she a good cook? Is she good at dancing? What’s her favorite restaurant? Is she-“

Yep, Rosa was back.

For better or for worse?

Who could even tell?

* * *

Cosmetology school is fun. Every day, you learn how to style hair, do makeup, etc. It was literally all your teenaged dreams, but for work!

Usually, Jocelyn had fun. Today, however, was not one of those days.

Everything reminded her of Rosa. The hairstyles Rosa had begrudgingly let Jocelyn try on her, the acrylic nails Jocelyn knew Rosa loved.

And it just kept on making her wonder; is Rosa ok?

When she and Rosa first met, Jocelyn was basically drooling over her. It was a gay bar, of course, and Rosa was just sitting there, observing the scene. Unattached to the crowd.

A complete badass.

And as they moved forward in their relationship, Jocelyn got to see a soft side of her; she got to hear her laugh, see her smile, feel her lips against her own.

So, when she gets the call that Rosa was in the hospital, that she had to be revived three times, and waited for her to wake of for _3 days_ , she wonders, “what happened?”.

And now, she can’t stop thinking about whether or not Rosa is even _okay_.

This is pathetic.

3 pm took ages to roll around, but when it did, Jocelyn went barrelling out the door. She impatiently stood at the bus stop, and when she finally got on, she couldn’t stop pacing. She needed to see Rosa, to hold her, to make sure she was okay. Clingy? Yes. Necessary? 100%. Uncalled for? Most likely. Stupid? Absolutely not.

After lots of yelling from random strangers, Jocelyn finally got home. A bus ride should not take 3 hours, but hey, it’s Brooklyn. Shits always late.

Jocelyn unlocked the door, and softly called for Rosa. The lights were out, but the TV was on. There, on the couch, was her girlfriend. Hand over her eyes, shoes strewn about, and beer bottle in her hand.

So her worrying was not in vain. Great.

“Rosa, baby, I’m home.” Jocelyn whispered softly, making her way over to Rosa and gently removing the beverage from her hand. Rosa shifted onto her side, and moved her arm from her face. Her eyes, albeit not red, were puffy, as were her cheeks. She was definitely crying at some point. Rosa opened her arms a little bit, inviting a hug. Jocelyn accepted the invitation immediately.

“Rosa, what happened? Do you want to talk about it?” Jocelyn asked, stroking Rosa’s thick curls. Rosa shook her head.

“Not right now.” She mumbled into Jocelyn’s jacket, sniffling. Jocelyn nodded.

“Okay. Have you had dinner? Do you want some mac and cheese?” She asked. Rosa nodded, but didn’t let go. Jocelyn, determined to make her girlfriend happy, slowly helped Rosa up, and they both shuffled to the kitchen.

Mac and cheese.

Jocelyn wasn’t a great cook, but when it came to Rosa, she could never afford to screw up.

And she wasn’t going to.

* * *

Damn, Jocelyn didn’t actually screw up this time.

The mac and cheese was actually pretty good. Rosa found herself becoming less and less numb as she ate her comfort food. In her peripheral vision, she could see her girlfriend smiling. Rosa smiled at herself.

How did she get so lucky?

They continued eating in silence, but eventually, Rosa spoke.

“Holt’s putting me on desk duty until further notice.”

There was a pause before any more words were spoken.

“Oh, Rosa, I’m so sor-”

“I get to sit down like Scully and Hitchcock all day, and basically turn into them. Boyle won’t stop badgering me about you, Peralta acts like I’m made of glass, and Amy won’t ever _talk_ to me. She keeps on sending me stupid pity glances, and-” Rosa was cut off by the warm presence of Jocelyn’s hands on her. She looked over to see her hands pink and scratched up. She looked up at Jocelyn with a hidden question in her eyes.

_“Did I do that?”_

Jocelyn’s look reaffirmed her.

“Honey, you aren’t going to become Hitchcock and Scully. Those two are a different breed. And as for the rest of them, well, they just watched you almost die right before them, and then proceed to die three times before getting off the operating table. They’re scared, and they don’t want to hurt you. You need to be patient with them, and also with yourself.” Jocelyn reasoned, rubbing Rosa’s fingers. Rosa pulled on of Jocelyn’s hands to her cheek and leaned into it. Jocelyn smiled.

“I love you.” Rosa whispered. “Thank you.”

Jocelyn kissed Rosa’s other hand.

“I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you want to see in future chapters!


	3. Show Me Going, Letting You Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *******TRIGGER WARNING**********
> 
> This is by far the most angsty, violent and depressing chapter I have written.  
> And it's only chapter three.  
> Please, if you have any triggers to violence (specifically gun violence), blood and injury, panic attacks, vomit, nightmares, or depression, do not read! Instead, I will post a summary of what had happened for those who miss (and if need be, I can start doing summary for each chapter if you cannot handle. Just ask :)
> 
> Enjoy!

4 months after the hostage situation

_“Fuck”_

_“Detective Diaz, are you alright?”_

_“I’m_ fine _. Cuff him up and get him out of here.”_

_Rosa turned herself away from the officers and looked at her abdomen. After pulling her shirt up, she found a long, deep laceration on her abdomen, right where her liver would be._

_That’s not good._

_“Diaz, huh? Once I get out of prison, I’ll make sure you suffer. I’ll make sure you die in the worst way possible!” The murderer screamed at her whilst the officers wrangled him into a cruiser. Normally, Diaz would not be frightened; however, this man had managed to overtake an entire hotel in 15 minutes, take down 3 officers, and catch her off guard. She wouldn’t put it past him to break out of jail just to murder her._

_“That’s right, Diaz. I broke out, and now, you’re going to die.”_

_Suddenly, Rosa was in her apartment, Jocelyn sleeping next to her. She looked to the window, and saw him standing there, gun pointed to Jocelyn’s head._

_“But first, might as well get rid of a liability, huh?”_

_He cocked the gun._

_“No, don’t! Please, no-”_

_The gun went off._

“No!” Rosa screamed, sitting straight up in bed. She took in her surroundings. No gun, no dead girlfriend, no _him._ Said girlfriend was stirring.

“Hm, Rosa?” She asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Rosa took one look at her, and immediately leaned over to the trash can next to the bed and threw up.

“Rosa!” Jocelyn exclaimed, immediately waking up. She sat up and rubbed her back as Rosa retched bile into the plastic container. She whispered sweet nothings as Rosa started to sob, and when her vomit was reduced to dry heaves, she helped Rosa into the shower. At this point, Rosa was dissociative.

Jocelyn slowly undressed Rosa and turned on the bath. Normally, Rosa would either be _very_ turned on, or _very_ embarrassed. However, she felt nothing. She stared straight ahead.

“Is the water too hot?” Rosa turned her head to find herself sitting on the edge of the tub, one leg in. Jocelyn had her own hand in the water and was looking at her. Rosa had no energy to respond. She heard Jocelyn sigh, and mutter something about “she thinks this is good.”, and suddenly, she was in the water. Moments later, she felt her girlfriend slip in behind her. When Jocelyn’s arms wrapped around her waist, she was brought back into reality. Slowly, she leaned back into Jocelyn, and felt the tears come through. First, they were silent, but slowly, they turned into gut-wrenching sobs.

“Shh. Baby, it’s ok. I’m here, you’re here, we’re both safe. It’s all right.” Jocelyn whispered. But no matter what she said, Rosa couldn’t stop clinging to her like her life depended on it.

* * *

_Slam_

“What do you want, Santiago?” Rosa growled as Amy slapped a file on her desk. As she met her eyes, Amy looked down on her, beaming.

“Well, since you passed your psych eval, and you’re officially off desk duty, I thought maybe the Sleuth Sisters could get on a case together?” Amy said with a little less enthusiasm as before. Rosa softened a little and felt a bit of remorse. She sighed and looked down.

“Sure. What’s the case?” Rosa asked defeatedly. Amy immediately got the spark back in her eyes and sat on the side of the desk.

“Well, I thought that we could work on this murder! Barely any evidence on the crime scene, just a muddy footprint, size 9 men’s. The wound was a clean cut through, most likely a pocketknife. Either this person knows what they’re doing, or they are a really lucky amateur!” Amy explained excitedly. Rosa raised her eyebrow.

“You’re excited that a homeless dude killed someone?” She asked. Amy looked back at her skeptically.

“How do you know it was a homeless man?” Amy questioned. Rosa snatched the case file from her, and grabbed a photo.

“This is the photo taken right after is death. That dude over there,” Rosa pointed to the man in the top right corner, “has the right description. It’s him.” She finished, setting the case down. Amy looked away disappointedly.

“Okay. Let’s go pick him up.” She sighed. Rosa nodded mutely and grabbed her jacket. Together, the two left the precinct.

After a while, the two were driving to the scene. Rosa settled to brood out the window, while Amy idly tapped on the steering wheel.

The point is, it was awkward as hell.

Amy kept on stealing worried glances at Rosa, something she did not appreciate. After a particularly pitiful glance, Rosa aggressively pushed herself up.

“What do you want, Santiago?” She growled. Amy looked taken aback; Rosa was never this aggressive.

Actually, yes, she was.

“I just…I’m worried, okay?!” Amy panicked, frantically looking between Rosa and the road.

“Well stop worrying! There’s nothing to be worried about!” Rosa snarled back before promptly slumping in her seat. Amy deflated.

“Look, I know I haven’t really talked to you, and I’m sorry.” She started, “But, well, look at you! I can tell you’re not sleeping, and you’re barely eating, and…and I’m scared. That you’re not going to bounce back from this.” Rosa looked at her.

“Did Jake put you up to this?” She questioned, her tone softer. Amy shook her head.

“No. I’m doing this on my own. I care about you, you know?” She replied. Rosa looked out the window again, silent. Amy sighed.

“Look, I just want you to be okay. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.” Amy offered. Rosa, however, stayed quiet.

The two sat in silence for a while.

“I’m scared.” Rosa said quietly. Amy’s eyes widened slightly, but she kept her composure.

Rosa Diaz was never scared.

“I…I’m scared that he’ll get out, one way or another. He swore to me that he’d get out and kill me, no matter what.” Rosa said, breathing heavily, “And I’m scared that he’ll hurt Jocelyn, _use_ her to get to me.” Tears were pricking the corners of Rosa’s eyes at this point. Amy had only seen Rosa cry once, and she did not respond well to that. Slowly, Amy pulled to the side of the road.

“Rosa, he’s gone. He’s going to be locked up for a long time. He won’t touch you or Jocelyn.” She said, but Rosa shook her head.

“That’s what she’s saying too! But you guys didn’t witness him. He’s crazy. And he’s psychotic. And smart, _so_ smart, and-”

“No. You are so much more than him. You beat him before, and in the one in a million chance he does somehow get to you, you’ll be able to fend him off. You are the strongest and scariest person I know. If he’s as smart as you claim him to be, he’ll never step foot near you again.” Amy reassured her. Rosa looked straight ahead and wiped her eyes.

“We should get moving.” She said monotonously. Amy looked at Rosa exasperatedly, but reluctantly turned on the engine, and pulled into Brooklyn traffic.

The two sat in silence for the rest of the ride.

* * *

“I’m home.” Rosa called into the apartment. Jocelyn popped out from around the corner, spatula in hand.

“Hey babe. I’m cooking…something. Dinner will be ready soo- oh shit!” She replied before sprinting back into the kitchen. Rosa chuckled and kicked off her shoes. Once she hung up her jacket, she followed Jocelyn in the kitchen, where she was promptly shooed out.

“No, no! It’s a surprise! Um,” Jocelyn yelped, before handing her a garbage bag. “Here! Take out the trash, please.” She said cheekily. Rosa took the back and rolled her eyes, before leaning in.

“I love you sometimes.” She said lowly. Jocelyn stepped on her tip-toes, leaning up to her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Sometimes?”

“Uhuh.”

Rosa closed the gap, kissing her soft and sweetly. Jocelyn smiled against her lips.

“I love you sometimes, too.” She said, before pulling away. She turned Rosa around and slapped lightly on the behind. “Now get outside and put the trash in the dumpster! Dinner’s almost ready.”

Rosa smiled and winked at Jocelyn. She slipped out of the apartment again and made her way down the stairs. After greeting everyone in the most annoying manner, she finally made it to the alley. After dumping the trash, she wiped her hands and made her way back the building.

“Diaz.”

_No_

Rosa whipped her head around at the voice, only to be met with a gun pointed at her.

_Not him_

The gun cocked.

_No-_

_Bang!_

Rosa turned her entire body as the gun went off, and she immediately went down.

And there, standing in the door, was Jocelyn Pryce, with her damn spatula. Her face was frozen in fear. So was the rest of her. She was paralyzed, for to watch her girlfriend, who was bleeding out, and the man that had tormented her standing over her.

And then-

_Bang!_


	4. Show Me Gone, Gone Away For A Long Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****************TRIGGER WARNING***************  
> This episode is no better than the last. I'll include a chapter recap in the next one if you choose not to read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um  
> I did a thing

PREVIOUS CHAPTER RECAP

Rosa's nightmares continued to get worse. After a particularly bad one, one that involved the remembrance of a threat of death from the shoot, Rosa enters a disassociative episode. After comfort from Jocelyn, she comes back. The next day, Rosa opens up a bit to Amy. However, at the end of the conversation, Rosa closes back up as quickly as she opened up. Once home, Rosa and Jocelyn have a loving moment before Rosa takes out the trash. After a minute, Jocelyn follows her down with a question. When Rosa closes the dumpster, she is shot by the man in the shooter situation. The gun discharges once more, and the chapter ends.

(I had a plan for where I was going with this story.

Then, I drove off the road 😊)

Jocelyn immediately fell to the ground, back into the doorway. Still conscious, she heard the man say, “Shit”, and run off. Once she was sure he was gone, she immediately pushed herself up, and crawled to Rosa.

Her body was seizing, though she was not quite having a seizure. She laid flat on her back, her eyes squinted and mouth open. There was a sizeable pool of blood beneath her. Jocelyn could faintly hear the gathering of neighbors, and the dials of 911. However, Jocelyn’s attention was only on Rosa.

Thanks to the abundance of safety camps her overly-cautious parents sent her to during her teenage years, Jocelyn had an idea of what to do. She ripped off her apron, and wrapped it around Rosa’s abdomen, tight enough to stop the bleeding. Once that was done, she pulled her into her lap, grabbed her hand, and kissed her forehead.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m right here. It’s gonna be okay.” She whispered, tears spilling from her eyes. Rosa looked to her, but other than that, she was unresponsive.

And then, she hacked up a load of blood, right onto Jocelyn.

Jocelyn just held Rosa tight, scared to let her go.

Finally, she heard an ambulance in the distance, and started to see the blue and red lights. Once they got there, it was a blur. Jocelyn completely shut down after that. They gently pulled Rosa away, and loaded her onto a gurney. It was only then that Jocelyn remembered.

She had been shot too.

And with that realization came the flaring hot pain in her leg. Thankfully, she had only been nicked in the thigh, but that didn’t stop the EMTs from making her sit in the other ambulance and stitch her up. While she didn’t have to be rushed to the hospital, she practically forced the paramedics to drive her to the hospital. She needed to see her girlfriend. To make sure she was okay.

* * *

Once, again, the 99th precinct sat in the hospital waiting room. This time, Rosa’s girlfriend seemed to be more open to them. In fact, said partner was letting Jake comfort her.

He supposed that Rosa did, in fact, tell her about their super awesome friendship, and how Jake basically knows her best. However, now did not seem like the time to press that.

Amy watched her husband from the seat across. She loved that he had such a big heart, and that he was able to handle crisis so well. She, currently, was a whole ass mess right night.

Not even a hot one.

Eventually, Holt called Jocelyn and Jake over. The rest of the squad watched Jake help the crutch-bound, distraught girlfriend across the waiting room, and into a hallway with the nurse.

Amy looked to the rest of the squad. The normally energetic, borderline eccentric squad was dead quiet, except for Boyle’s soft crying, and Nikolaj attempting to comfort his father.

Amy didn’t even know why the hell he brought him, but here we are.

After an excruciating amount of time, Jocelyn, Jake, and Holt emerged from the hallway. You could tell by the quirk of Holt’s lips, that he was having a meltdown. Jake and Jocelyn eyes were red, and there were tear stains on their cheeks.

Jake never cried, only suppressed. Which meant-

“No. No, no, no” Amy started chanting under her breath. Fresh tears sprung into her eyes.

“Rosa, she-” Jake choked out, only to be cut off by his own sob. Jocelyn buried her face in Jake’s shoulder, and Holt remained ever-stoic.

Charles was the second to catch on. His face turned into one of sheer horror, and he let out the loudest sob.

“Rosa…she didn’t make it off the table.” Jake finally got out. He buried his head into Jocelyn’s, and the two cried together.

The entire squad broke down.

* * *

“Someone has taken one of our own. We must retaliate.” Terry informed the detective crew in the meeting room. Jake’s normal jokes were gone. Any laid-backness that Holt had gained over the years had disappeared.

The team was on full mission mode.

“Now, I know that we all want our main suspect to be Jeffrey Johnson, but,” Terry sighed, “We can’t rule out all other possibilities.” Jake sat up straight in his chair.

“What do you mean, other possibilities. It was obviously him!” He exclaimed. Terry rubbed his bald head.

“Jocelyn Pryce was shot too. They were an openly gay couple in New York. We can’t rule out a hate crime.” He said. Jake deflated in his seat. “Santiago, Peralta, I need you to go back to the scene of the crime. Question everyone in that building. Try to get an ID of the guy, and _please_ rule out the hate crime. Boyle, you’re with me. We’ll go investigate the scene.” He ordered. Everyone nodded. Before everyone could leave, Charles piped up in the back.

“Sir, when will the…when will the funeral be?” He asked quietly. The Lieutenant looked down and swallowed, before looking up again.

“Next Friday.”

* * *

“I miss her.” Amy said quietly in the passenger seat of Jake’s car. Jake, eyes still focused on the road, held his hand out to her. Amy took it.

“I miss her too.” He spoke. Amy looked down again. Fresh out of her Sargent attire, she was back in regular clothes. As much as she loved being a Sargent, she knew that she _had_ to work this case.

After sitting silently for some time, Amy spoke up again.

“It’s my fault.” She whispered. This time, Jake whipped his head to her.

“Your fault? Amy, how could this be _your_ fault?!” He asked incredulously. Amy wiped a stray tear.

“On the day that she…I-I told her that she shouldn’t worry about him. That he was locked away and wouldn’t get her. I made her think she was safe! It’s my fault.” Amy cried, fresh tears making their way down her cheeks. Pulling into the crime scene, Jake parked the car, and reached over to hug her.

“You weren’t behind the trigger. You did something any good friend would do. You couldn’t have predicted this. It’s _not_ your fault. Okay?” Jake said firmly. Amy nodded, wiping her cheeks. “Now, are you ready to go in, or do you need a few minutes?” He asked. Amy sniffed before setting her body straight.

“No, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

* * *

“Rosa and Jocelyn were the cutest, nicest couple in this building.” The lady across from Peralta and Santiago said. “They were kind to everyone. I did, however, worry about them for the past few months. Ms. Diaz would wake up screaming a lot. I could hear it through the walls!” Amy and Jake nodded along, scribbling in their respective notebooks.

“Were you there the night of the shooting?” Jake asked softly. The lady, Mrs. Martin, nodded.

“I was watering my plants on the fire escape. I watched Rosa take the trash out, was about to say hello when the man appeared. I saw the gun, and I was frozen with fear.” She said shakily, before taking a deep breath.

“Does this man in the photo match who you saw?” Amy asked, pushing a small picture over to her. Mrs. Martin picked it up, and squinted at it. Then, she slipped the photo back to Amy.

“Why yes, Detective. That man looks exactly like the one I saw. Why?” Mrs. Martin asked. Jake shook his head.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t give you that information, it’s classified-” Jake started before being cut off.

“With all due respect, I’ve known Rosa for the entire time that she’s lived here, which is a long time if I do say so myself. Before getting her girlfriend, we would spend so much time together. She is my daughter, in a way. I deserve to know.” Mrs. Martin said firmly. Jake and Amy shared a look, and Amy nodded. Jake took a deep breath.

“About 5 months ago, Rosa responded to an active shooter situation. The guy got her, but she took him down. He swore that he would hunt her down, and kill her. This man,” Jake points to the photo, “Is him.” Jake finished. Mrs. Martin put a hand to her mouth.

“No, not my baby…” She whispered. Amy crossed the room to her, and put a hand on her back.

“We’ll get him, I promise. Thank you for your time, Mrs. Martin.” Amy said softly. Mrs. Martin sat up and pulled Amy into a hug.

“Thank _you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You really think I'm going to murder the main character of the story?
> 
> You're absolutely right you wanna see some real speed??


	5. Show Me Gone, Only For a Little While

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha, it's winter break and I'm spam writinggg!

Chapter 4 recap!  
  


Rosa's down, and as it turns out, Jocelyn is too. However, because she was only grazed by the bullet in the leg, Jocelyn is able to help Rosa, who was unresponsive and critically hurt. Rosa is rushed to the hospital, and Jocelyn meets up there with the 99 crew. After being comforted by Jake, she gets the news that Rosa didn't make it off the table. Jocelyn is left to mourn, while the crew buries themselves into work, trying to catch Rosa's murderer. Jake and Amy, while questioning witnesses, meet a kind old lady named Mrs. Martin, who thinks of Rosa as a daughter. They vow to catch Rosa's killer, named Jeffrey Johnson.

Chapter 5:

(This chapter about to have sum time jumps buckle up beotches)

Jocelyn quietly and painfully descended the stairs and into the kitchen. It had been 4 weeks since _it_ happened. 4 days since she lost the love of her life. She sat at the counter and put a hand in her tousled hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Kevin asked, cooking what Jocelyn guessed was eggs. Holt had left about an hour ago.

“No,” Jocelyn sighed, “But thanks for asking. And letting me stay here.” She said. Kevin nodded.

“Of course. Raymond had to pull a lot of strings in order for you not to get sent to Florida, what with Witness Protection and all.” Kevin answered, before turning off the stove. He piled eggs onto the two plates and made his way over to Jocelyn, where he placed a plate in front of her. Jocelyn mumbled a quiet, “Thanks.”

“How are you doing?” Kevin asked, digging into his eggs. Jocelyn herself took a bite before speaking.

“I mean, I miss her. A lot. But, she’ll be back soon. We just have to catch Johnson.” She spoke, before piling more eggs into her mouth. _Damn_ , these were _good_.

“Yes. Raymond said they were closing in on him. It shouldn’t be more than a couple weeks now.” Kevin responded. The two finished their breakfast in silence.

A couple more weeks.

* * *

Time Skip: 5 Days after shooting

Her senses were slowly returning to her.

The first thing to come back was her sense of smell. It smelled of rubbing alcohol and fresh bandages. It smelled clean.

Next came her hearing. She heard voices around her, but only picked up bits of the conversation.

“…apartment in Chicago…safe there…” Someone around her said. She wasn’t sure who, and nothing clicked in her drugged brain.

After hearing came taste. There wasn’t much for this sense, except the plasticky taste in her mouth.

Four was feeling, and that was when everything hit. She felt a hand in her own, and the blankets against her legs. Unfortunately, this meant the also felt the tube running down her throat, most likely a ventilator. And of course, she felt a slight sting in her chest.

Finally, sight came.

And she opened her eyes.

Normal Time:

Jocelyn spent a lot of time at the precinct.

Cosmetology school was on break, and she really had nothing else to do.

And these were Rosa's friends.

No.

_Are_ Rosa’s friends.

Jocelyn had to keep reminding herself that yes, Rosa _is_ alive, what with all the acting she’s been doing.

Anyway.

Jocelyn could see why Rosa liked (i.e tolerated) these people. Jake was fun and energetic. Amy was smart and…well, a total teacher’s pet, but still. Boyle was sweet, and Terry was soft. Gina was a bitch, but Jocelyn admired her confidence.

Most of all, Holt was kind and caring, without making it overbearing. Jocelyn could imagine Rosa and Holt, sitting in silence, and drinking a beer at Shaw’s. And enjoying it.

It was these little things that kept Jocelyn going throughout the time she was gone.

And then, it happened.

* * *

(Time skip: this shit is alternating, what time do you think?)

“…stay there until he is found, and-”

Rosa opened her eyes. When she found that she was unable to talk, she gently squeezed whoever’s hand was in hers.

She quickly found out it was Jocelyn’s.

“Rosa! Shit, um, nurse!” She exclaimed, tripping over her words. She watched Jake tear out of the room, most likely look for what Jocelyn requested.

Still drugged up on morphine, Rosa couldn’t quite comprehend anything. When she realized that the reason she couldn’t talk was because of the tube down her throat, she started panicking.

She softly shook her head, and her eyes widened.

“Shh, it’s okay. The ventilator is there to help you breathe. You’re okay.” Jocelyn said softly, sitting up to stroke her head. Rosa leaned back into the bed, and it was only then that she realized there were two other people in the room.

Her parents.

Rosa just stared at them. Jocelyn followed her line of vision to the sheepish people.

“I called them. The doctors…they weren’t sure you were going to make it. I know things aren’t the best, but…I thought that they should be here.” She whispered. Rosa didn’t respond, just looked at her parents with round eyes.

Jake ran back in with a nurse, and said nurse worked on removing the ventilator. When she finally hacked it out of her mouth, she didn’t say anything.

The dude had kept his promise.

He almost killed her.

“Rosa, Jake and I was discussing with your parents and partner about what to do next.” Holt stepped forward, addressing her. “Jeffrey Johnson does not think you are alive, and that he completed his personal mission. However, to insure that you have a safe recovery, we think you and your family should go to a safehouse in Chicago. Just until you recuperate, and Mr. Johnson is caught.”

Rosa nodded, and in a raspy, yet still Rosa voice, she said, “Sure, that sounds good. Assuming that’s good with you, babe.” She looked over to Jocelyn. Jocelyn shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

“Actually, he meant with…your parents. Besides, I’ve got some healing to do myself.” Jocelyn said, moving her body to the side to reveal her bandaged thigh. Rosa’s mouth dropped in horror.

“That son of a bitch got you to?! I swear to god, I’m gonna rip his head off-” Rosa snarled, throwing the blanket aside and swinging her legs off the bed. However, as soon as she put weight on her feet, she felt like someone had stabbed her abdomen. She crumpled in pain, but before she could hit the floor, Jake caught her. Her parents rushed over to her.

“Rosa! Are you alright?” Her mother asked, concerned, putting a hand on her forehead.

“Rosa! Be careful!” Her father yelled, but the worry in his voice was prominent.

Rosa, however, was still angry at them both.

“Get off of me!” She yelled, pushing her mom’s hand away from her. Jake quietly helped her back into bed. After she was situated, she looked at the Captain.

“So you’re suggesting I be locked in an apartment in Chicago for god knows how long, with the two people that hate me?” She asked sarcastically. Holt nodded.

“Yes, that is exactly what I am suggesting.”

“And I really don’t have a choice?”

Holt shook his head.

Rosa threw a water bottle.

* * *

“Peralta, Jocelyn!” Holt called urgently. Jake and Jocelyn shared a look, before racing into his room.

“What’s up, da~a-ptain!” Jake stumbled, before throwing his hands down in defeat. “Honestly why do I try anymore?”

Jocelyn rolled her eyes.

“What’s up?” She asked. Holt took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, which was never a good sign. He turned his computer towards them.

On the screen was a photo of Rosa, in the Chicago apartment, and her mom, helping her out of bed.

Jocelyn fell into the couch.

“What are we going to do? That was definitely Johnson’s doing!” Jake asked, angrily pacing. Holt leaned back in his chair.

“There’s nothing more we can do.” He said, “We have to bring her home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON"T SCROLL DON'T GO NOT YET!!!
> 
> I need your help! 
> 
> I'm debating on whether or not doing an interlude chapter, that's just Rosa and her parents in Chicago, making amends while she heals. What do you guys think? Comment, please!!! I need to know!


	6. Show Me Gone, A Long Road Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys (i.e one of you but ty for commenting!!) voted for an interlude chapter, so here we go!
> 
> TW: Panic Attacks, Depression, Character Injury and Mild explicit injury related stuff

Chapter 6:

Week 1

Rosa awoke to a new day.

In a new city.

In a new state.

Away from everyone.

With her parents.

.

.

.

This shit sucks.

Rosa lay on the couch, almost completely immobile, as she watched her mother cook breakfast and her father read some sort of book.

And, well, she was still _pissed._

Eventually, her mother finished cooking breakfast, and her father helped her up and to the table.

Fuck, she hated being this helpless.

They sat in silence, like they usually did. However, before, it was a comfortable silence. Now, the tensions were high.

Welp, they were going to be there for a while. They might as well address the elephant in the room

Rosa set down her fork harshly, and stared at her mom. She tried to make herself look as big as possible, but it didn’t matter; she still felt _so_ weak and helpless.

“Mom, I don’t get it. Why can’t you just accept me?” She asked, albeit with _much_ less bite than she wanted. In fact, it sounded like she was genuinely asking. Her mother put down her utensils as well, and looked to her father.

“Honey, I just…I don’t believe in that kind of stuff. A woman is made to be meant with a man, that is what _I_ believe. That is what I was raised to believe. And you expect me to change my values?” Julia matched Rosa’s (unintentional) soft tone and looked at her like she _truly_ wanted to understand her. Oscar looked uncomfortable.

“Y’know what, mom? Yeah, I do. The values about sexuality that you grew up with were taught along with things like women not being equal to men, white being the superior race, etc. You think any of those are right?” She asked, her tone getting more and more snappish as she progressed.

 _Now we’re talking_.

“Well, that’s not the same-” Her mom started, only to be cut off.

“How can you say that? The world is growing, and you need to grow with it! I like men _and_ women, and guess what? Your greatest fear of all might happen; I was going to propose to Jocelyn!” Rosa snarled, ripping a simple ring out of her pocket. “Will it be in the near future? Probably not. But I know she’s the one, and when I was almost killed _twice_ , all I could think about is her, and the fact that you two c-could ne-v-ver bond…” Rosa trailed off, burying her head in her hands as the tears rolled from her eyes. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and her ribs felt like they were going to burst.

“Shoot, Julia, she’s having a panic attack!” She heard her father say, but it was too late; she was underwater.

She hated having these. And so many of them too. Jocelyn was usually the only one who could console her, let alone her parents.

Then, she thought of the trial, and Boyle’s advice.

Just go to her happy place.

And so, she thought of the many gory thoughts, about everything she might do to Jeffrey fucking Johnson. Tearing off his legs and shoving them up his ass so he could stomp on his own thoughts. Making a wine glass out of his skull and drinking his blood. Extracting his brains through his nose.

It wasn’t a particularly healthy coping mechanism, but it got her through the attack.

When she was back, she saw her mother and father were both sitting next to her, worry painted across their faces. She really wished she could see this as their love, but she just couldn’t.

They thought she was weak, didn’t they?

“Outta my way.” She said shakily as she pushed herself up. She painfully tore away from them, and made her way to her room. Once there, she slid down the floor, and promptly started to cry.

She wished she could call Jocelyn, Holt, Peralta, hell, even Pimento at this point. She was alone.

Fuck, she was so pathetic.

* * *

Week 2

“Rosa, honey?” Rosa heard her mom call her through the doorway. She, however, did not answer, and chose to remain in bed, staring at the wall. Eventually, her mom did walk into the room, and sat on the bed.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. Rosa perked up at this, but remained down. They sat in silence for a little bit, before Julia explained herself further.

“It’s just…all so new to me. I didn’t understand it much. But your father made me see. And from what I can tell, Jocelyn really loves you, just as much as you love her. What’s that you kids say these days? ‘Love is love’?” Julia explained, scooting herself up against the headboard. Rosa turned herself ever-so-slightly.

“My point is, I may slip up at times, and I’m sorry, but I accept you. Fully.”

Wow.

That was something Rosa was not expecting her mother to say any time soon.

In shock, Rosa slowly shifted to her other side, and gently placed her arms around her mother, burying her face in her side. Julia, in turn started to softly stroke her curly hair.

And then, Rosa realized; she really missed her mom.

And of course, the tears commenced. Rosa had seen so many cases in the interim of her coming out and her being shot. So many cases that brought in weeping mothers or daughters with regrets. She would come home crying (fuck, she did so much crying these days) to Jocelyn, venting about how she didn’t want that to happen between her and her mom.

“I love you, Rosalita. I really do.” Julia whispered to her softly, which in turn, made Rosa cry even harder. She took o deep breath, and let out a shaky, “love you too.”.

Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad here after all.

* * *

Week 3

Things were getting better.

Rosa was healing; she was able to walk with little to no discomfort and started working out again. The NYPD had provided her with equipment.

Family wise, she missed Jocelyn. A lot. There wasn’t a day that went by that Rosa didn’t think about her, and it was hard. But things with her parents were good. Really good. They were close again. They did family game night (except, because of circumstances, game night was now every night), cooked together (when Julia wasn’t beating Oscar out of the kitchen with a wooden spoon), and the couple even came to Rosa with LGBTQ+ related questions (Rosa, after the first time, was very adamant about them “making use of the dumb lady on their phones.”)

However, there is always light in the dark, and always dark in the light.

Rosa’s night terrors wouldn’t subside, and more often than not, she had to be shaken awake by her parents, mostly because she was screaming, but there were a few sleep-fighting incidents. Along with those came flashbacks. She would be doing the most normal thing possible, like folding laundry, and be sent back to that day in the hotel, or that night in the alley.

And of course, there were panic attacks.

Rosa hated everything about them. When in the midst of one, she was sure she was going to die, like someone was stealing the air out of her. There was always a sense of dread in the air, and the paranoia that somebody was going to jump her was great. But, they ended every time, making her look like a fool in front of her parents.

Her parents were trying; really, _really_ trying. But they just didn’t understand this whole, “mental health” thing. Hell, _she_ barely understood it. But each time they would wake her up from a nightmare, each time they helped her through a panic attack, each time they tried to coax her out of bed, they just didn’t know how to do it. It was frustrating for Rosa, and it was frustrating for them.

Damn, Rosa should’ve brought Arlo.

Sometimes, things were great.

But other times, Rosa couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And she wasn’t sure if she ever would.

* * *

Week 4

It was happening again.

The moment Rosa dipped her hands in the warm water to wash dishes, she was gone.

_Warm water_

_Warm liquid_

_Warm blood_

_Jocelyn’s blood_

_Holding Jocelyn_

_who is bleeding_

_Johnson next to them_

_Gun_

_Gun_

_Gun_

So of course, instead of cleaning dishes, Rosa ended up shaking on the floor. Curled in a fetal position, she clawed at her hair, desperate to ground herself, yet failing.

That’s how Julia walked in on her. Alone, vulnerable, and desperate. With motherly instinct kicking in, Julia immediately crouched down to Rosa, and removed her hands from her hair. Rosa looked up at her mom, looking like an absolute mess. Julia, silently, pulled her daughter in. She was getting good at taking care of her during and after these episodes, and of course, knew that her daughter wasn’t one to talk.

Rosa let herself be pulled into her mother’s side, but couldn’t quite shake the fear that was now instilled in her. She shook, she cried, and she let herself be held by her mother until it was over.

When the attack finished, Oscar walked in the room, completely oblivious. However, when he saw his wife on the floor with his daughter, in a broken state, he rushed over and sat next to Rosa. He slowly wrapped his arm around the two, and gently took over combing Rosa’s hair.

A sweet family moment. Born out of a really bad moment, but still, sweet.

And then, pounding on the door ruined it.

The one great thing about getting majorly injured, and having to relocate is that they don’t take your badge and gun. And luckily for Rosa, it was in the kitchen counter.

While Rosa was really in no mental state to do anything, she took charge anyway. The trio sprung up from their position on the floor, and Rosa softly padded to the gun. Once it was acquired, the three stepped to the door. Rosa motioned for her mom to hide in the kitchen, and her dad to hide next to the door, giving him time to open it into him. Rosa stood right in front of the door, gun down. She silently counted to three, and Oscar swung the door open. Rosa lifted her gun up.

Right to two Chicago PD detectives.

What the hell?

“Rosa Diaz, we were sent here to…are you okay?” One of them stepped forward and spoke. Rosa dropped her gun, and touched her face.

Oh yeah, mental breakdown thing.

Oscar came out from behind the door, and Julia came from the kitchen. Rosa looked at the officers again.

“Doesn’t matter. Why are you here?” She growled. The detectives looked surprised, but quickly recovered.

“Rosa Diaz, you have been compromised. We’ve come to take you home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay another chapter! I am currently on winter break right now, and that's why my uploads are frequent. However, in a week, when break ends, I will unfortunately not be uploading nearly as often. This fic is nowhere near done, so I apologise.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me motivation! :)


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